How to Masterfully Deal with Emotional Distress in Marriage?
After the third time your spouse has stayed out late with his friends while you are at home looking after your kids, it can be tough to bottle your emotions. Letting them out while arguing does not help the situation at all. Whether the issue, you and your spouse are having is small or huge, it is essential to control your emotions so that they do not interfere with effective and efficient marital resolutions and result into major distress in marriage.
Physical distance
When you get upset due to your husband’s choice to watch the football game instead of mowing the front-lawn or helping with getting groceries, staying in the same room as him and watching him chill on his recliner seat will be highly unbearable.
In this situation, to avoid an argument and words that you might regret later, physically remove yourself from the area and go somewhere else like to a coffee shop and catch up with friends, just so that you do not spend the afternoon fuming about the lack of responsibility on the part of your husband.
If he hurts your feelings in an argument then go for a walk to clear your head over lashing back at him. Sticking around during those heated moments will reduce the chances that you will retaliate with your emotions.
Change your focus
When your spouse stands by passively while your mother-in-law suggests that your practise of child-rearing leave something to be desired, at that time it can be pretty tempting to ponder on what your husband should have said or to even to engage in an argument.
To avoid that, regain a calm composure so that you can address the distress in marriage later in a more rational manner and for doing that, shift your focus from the enraged action to something else, like which outfit you would wear to your college reunion.
Focusing more on the apparels rather than the remarks of your husband or the lack of it will help you calm yourself.
Question your assumptions
When you get upset with your spouse, you may have underlying assumptions that will fuel your negative sentiments. You may be over-analysing and assuming that the negative events are going to occur time and again.
If you are angry because your spouse has an ongoing flirtation with his colleague, make sure that you address the situation in a calm manner.
Acknowledge
Acknowledge that you are experiencing painful sentiments and accept them as part of your current reality. Take this into note, if you accept your feeling then that does not mean that you have to like the situation or the feelings. Realize that you are not your sentiments.
For instance: You may be upset that your husband without consulting you denied a promotion, this does not mean that you are going to hate your life just because some unpleasant sentiments are presently passing through you. Your sentiments are harmless and temporary as long as you do not act on them.
Bear in mind that it is much better to prevent a crisis than trying to wrestle with one that has already insinuated itself and created distress in marriage. By being clear with your spouse about your expectations and needs, being attentive, remaining open, non-judgmental and actively investing in the needs of your husband, you will be setting your marriage on a healthy, preventative track where the minor issues can be addressed way before morphing into uncontrollable crises.
If distress in marriage turns out to be too much to bear then you can always seek professional assistance from marriage counsellors and dive into an open and healthy exchange of dialogues with your spouse. Also, address the issues when the time is right and you are calm; do not let them pile up because that will break your marriage down the line.